Some of the greatest spiritual growth periods came from seasons where I engaged with a Christian mentor. I first found a Christian mentor when I was serving in youth ministry. The types of behaviors and circumstances that my girls were dealing with were beyond my experience. I needed to find someone who could mentor me so that I could mentor them. It was in this season that I began an intentional search for help. Here are a few tips to help you find a Christian mentor.

Determine why you want a mentor.

There are many good people in the world who can offer guidance in different areas, so you need to answer why you want a mentor in the first place. I needed someone who had wisdom and experience in counseling young girls. How about you? Do you desire more peace? Do you want to parent in a godly manner? Do you need encouragement to do something you are afraid of doing? How about launching a business? Do you need help navigating a failing marriage? Setting your own goals will help you determine the “why,” and then you start looking for the “who.” 

Pray 

After you understand what you hope to learn from your Christian mentor, you need to pray to find them. Pray that God will reveal a person or couple that will help you. As you pray, write down anyone that comes to mind. Once you have a short list of people, evaluate if they appear to have what you are looking for. 

Watch them. Do you like them?  

If you want a mentor because you want a job like them or a platform like them, you will end up frustrated. As you consider approaching them as a mentor, make sure you want to become like them. If there are individuals that you admire but don’t want to become like them, remove them from your list. This is a person you want to emulate in your own life.  

Ask for the Holy Spirit to open a door to a mentoring conversation.

Why do I recommend having this “pause” in the process? It’s so you get the right mentor in the right season at the right time. I know I have rushed into engaging with a mentor only to find they didn’t have the time to commit. It felt awkward for me and for them. While asking for the Holy Spirit to lead doesn’t guarantee you won’t have setbacks, it does improve your outcomes. 

Ask them to coffee. 

This is the precursor to asking them to mentor you. It’s a “get to know you” meeting. Think of it as an informal interview where you present your dilemma (organically in casual conversation, of course). Let them share their thoughts and evaluate how they respond. Once the meeting is finished, decide how it went. Do you see them as someone who could help you move forward? Do you think it is a good relational fit? I have engaged potential mentors that are brilliant, but their style is not what works for me. Think about these things as you consider asking them the big question!

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7 NIV

Ask them to mentor you.

The most common mistake I hear from women who are looking for a mentor is that they never actually ask the person. The likelihood that your desired mentor will approach you to pour their time, effort, and resources into you is slim to none. However, many people just need to be asked. 

Be proactive and follow up.

It is not the mentor’s job to follow up with you and schedule meetings etc. It is up to the mentee to proactively pursue building a relationship with their mentor. When you make the initial ask, probe to find out how often it would be okay to meet or have a phone call. Then, schedule a consistent pattern based on their answer. Be persistent in the beginning until an easy rhythm begins to form.

Evaluate the fruit.

After you have met with your Christian mentor several times, you should assess the fruit. Do you feel you have grown? Are you learning? Do you get uplifted and encouraged? These are indicators that the relationship is a healthy one and you should continue to develop it. If you are not seeing much fruit or it has proven to be extremely difficult to get your mentor to engage, then it is time to break off the (mentor/mentee) relationship. 

Be willing to be mentored from afar. 

I have several “distant” Christian mentors. These are people that I don’t know personally but I desire to emulate their life. These are powerful women of faith who are writers, speakers, and podcasters some of whom you would know by name. I don’t have access to them directly, but I can engage with them through social media, books, and listening to their content. Michael Hyatt offers some other suggestions on the benefits of having a spiritual mentor.

Finding a good Christian mentor is a process. Developing a fruitful relationship where someone agrees to coach you through a season requires commitment from you and the mentor. Be patient. Make sure you have clear goals, prayerfully select the person, wait for the right timing, and make the ask. A Christian mentor can help you build faith habits that can change your life. Following these tips to find a Christian mentor can help but I want to encourage you not to give up looking if you still haven’t found the right fit. I’d love to hear about your own experiences with mentors. What did they help you do? How were they good, bad, awful? I’d love to hear your comments below.