November 21, 2020
Some of the greatest periods of spiritual growth came out of seasons where I engaged with a Christian mentor. I first found a Christian mentor when I was serving in youth ministry. The types of behaviors and circumstances that my girls were dealing with was beyond my experience. I needed to find someone who could mentor me so that I could mentor them. It was in this season that I began an intentional search for help. Here are the tips I recommend to find a Christian mentor.
Determine why you want a mentor.
There are many good people in the world that can offer guidance in different areas so you need to answer why you want a mentor in the first place. I needed someone who had wisdom and experience in counseling young girls. How about you? Do you desire more peace? Do you want to parent in a godly manner? Do you need encouragement to do something you are afraid of doing? How about launching a business? Do you need help navigating a failing marriage? Setting your own goals will help you determine the “why” then you start looking for the “who”.
After you understand what you are hoping to learn from your Christian mentor then you need to pray to find them. Pray that God would reveal a person or couple that will help you. As you pray write down anyone that comes to mind. Once you have a short list of people evaluate if they appear to have the thing you are looking for.
Watch them. Do you like them?
If you want a mentor because you want a job like the or a platform like them you will end up frustrated. As you consider approaching them as a mentor make sure that you want to become like them. If there are individuals that you admire but don’t want to become like them, remove them from your list. This is a person you want to emulate in your own life.
Ask for the Holy Spirit to open a door to a mentoring conversation.
Why do I recommend having this “pause” in the process? It’s so you get the right mentor in the right season at the right time. I know that I have rushed into engaging with a mentor only to find they really didn’t have the time to commit. It felt awkward for me and for them. While asking for the Holy Spirit to lead isn’t a guarantee you won’t have setbacks it does improve your outcomes.
Ask them to coffee.
This is the precursor to asking them to mentor you. It’s a “get to know you” meeting. Think of it as an informal interview where you present your dilemma (organically in casual conversation of course). Let them share their thoughts and evaluate how they respond. Once the meeting is finished decide how it went. Do you see them as a person who could genuinely help you move forward? Do you think it is a good relational fit? I have engaged potential mentors that are brilliant but their style is not what works for me. Think about these things as you consider asking them the big question!
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7 NIV
Ask them to mentor you.
The most common mistake I hear from women who are looking for a mentor is that they never actually asked the person. The likelihood that your desired mentor is going to approach you to pour their time, effort and resources into you is slim to none. However, many people just need to be asked.
Be proactive and follow-up.
It is not the mentor’s job to follow-up with you and schedule meetings etc. It is up to the mentee to proactively pursue building a relationship with their mentor. When you make the initial ask, probe to find out how often would it be ok to meet or have a phone call. Then schedule a consistent pattern based on their answer. Be persistent in the beginning until an easy rhythm begins to form.
Evaluate the fruit.
After you have met with your Christian mentor several times you should assess the fruit. Do you feel you have grown? Are you learning? Do you get uplifted and encouraged? These are indicators that the relationship is a healthy one and you should continue to develop it. If you are not seeing much fruit or it has proven to be extremely difficult to get your mentor to engage then it is time to break off the (mentor/mentee) relationship.
Be willing to be mentored from afar.
I have several “distant” Chrisitan mentors. These are people that I don’t know personally but I desire to emulate their life. These are powerful women of faith that are writers, speakers, and podcasters some of whom you would know by name. I don’t have access to them directly but I can engage with them through social media, books, and listening to their content. Michael Hyatt offers some other suggestions on how to find a mentor.
Finding a good Christian mentor is a process. Developing a fruitful relationship where someone agrees to coach you through a season requires commitment from both you and the mentor. Be patient. Make sure you have clear goals, prayerfully select the person, wait for the right timing and make the ask. A Christian mentor can help you build faith habits that can change your life. I want to encourage you not to give up looking if you still haven’t found the right fit. I’d love to hear about your own experiences with mentors? What did they help you do? How were they good, bad, awful? Leave a comment below and I’ll be sure to reply.
I’m looking for a Christian mentor as soon as possible is direly needed please reach back to me as soon as possible thank you and God bless
Hello Blake, the best way to find a Christian mentor quickly is to reach out to your local Pastor or church. I don’t mentor anyone long-distance. If you don’t have a local church that is definitely where I would begin.
This article was very thoughtfully designed. I don’t know you at all but I can tell by your ability to be so precise In what it means to find a Christian mentor that you have a strong stable relationship with the Lord . I am glad I found this article before pursuing my mission to find a mentor.. I learned a few insights and discovered I have a long way to go before I will be truly ready for a mentor. I need a Christian Therapist and or Psychologist first. If by chance you have any suggestions on how I might find one I would greatly appreciate your referrals. I can only hope to have your strength and clarity one day in my life! GOD BLESS YOU!
Hi Kimberly, Thanks for your compliment…trust me I don’t have it all together but day-by-day the Lord takes me by the hand and leads. I am not sure where you live but this is a great online resource to begin your search for a Christian therapist. https://www.christiancounselordirectory.com/ Also, if you are part of a local church I would ask your pastor for a recommendation. They will often have relationships with counselors that they know and trust. Bless you!
Love these tips, Jessica Carey . One thing that really accelerated my career was having a Mentor too! I use Lisnic.com to connect with mine now, mentoring is honestly the way to go.
Thanks for the comment and the link. This tool looks like it is directed more towards business mentors but still could be helpful for some of my readers. Thanks for sharing.
Praying for you Mathias.
I had a wonderful christian. Mentor for nearly 25 years, and then she died. The Lord mercifully left her with me until I became established in christ. It took many years because I did not have a physical mother or father and was emotionally damaged. she was loving, good, patient, kind and ever-present. She taught me the scriptures and how to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit. i grieved her loss, but over 50 years later, I am still walking with my Lord.
Wow! What an incredible testimony to the power of having a mentor to disciple us? Thank you Shirley for sharing this hope-filled message.
Hi Jessica thank you for the article ,it has really help me alot .i have been looking for someone to mentor me for a while and have prayed about it ,i know God answered but somehow his answer hasnt arrived to me .But after your article i will definitely Ask God again ,i believe this time around i”ll find someone ..Thank you so much .
Amanda, I have prayed for a Christian mentor to come alongside you in your walk.
Hello, I am interested in being a Christian mentor but having difficulty finding anything on line where you might be able to match up with someone. Have you come across anything? What might you suggest? Thank you!
Hi Brandon! Yes, finding a way to get involved in mentoring can be very difficult. My first recommendation is always your local church community. I’ve been able to mentor people just by being involved in serving locally. I believe this is the most effective and organic way to become a mentor. However, there is also an online community found here that might be able to connect you to other mentees – https://www.christianmentorsnetwork.org/ Let me know how your journey goes!